Amanda’s Story | Hearing God’s Voice

At the end of 2020, it was so hard for me to breathe and I didn't know why. I couldn't take more than two steps without literally having to catch my breath. So, doctor visit after doctor visit, they didn't know what was going on, but he told me, "I can't tell you, but you need to go to the hospital. Something's really wrong." My first appointment with my oncologist, they said that it was not just cancer, it was stage four lung cancer and that I should be making preparations for my children.

I grew up in the church. I went on mission trips. I always enjoyed being there, but I never really gave much effort into that. It was always just the experience of church more than the experience of God. I wanted to hear this loud thundering voice from the heavens. I wanted to hear God's voice, and I never heard that. I spent two weeks in the hospital on my first round of chemo and biopsies. I remember my mom even had a Bible dropped off in the hospital. But I was so bitter, I remember opening it and I read a sentence and I was like, "Forget it." I didn't even want to read it. And then one day I had plans with my mom. I called and she didn't answer. And about 20 phone calls later, I was so worried that I took my kids and drove to my parents' house. And we knocked on the door and there was no answer. I saw my mom sitting in her chair and I touched her shoulder, and my mom had passed away. I thought cancer was my rock bottom, how could I have cancer and lose my mom?

We have really good family friends, Jan and her husband Mark. She came every week and she listened to whatever I had to say. And she was just there, she didn't judge. And she invited me to do Bible studies on the Bible app. I'm like, "Okay, what's there to lose?" And then, I decided I wanted to start coming to church again. I'm asking all the same questions, like, is this really real? Is God really real? Everything that's happened this year, what's the point of it? If he's real, why all of this? The one sermon that really hit me hard was the one that Pastor Kristi did on the Spirit is our helper. And it made me really realize that I've been asking to see him my whole life. And I realized I have. My parents that supported me through being a teen mom, that's God. A lot of people don't get that. Jan, who came over and really helped me through the hardest time of my life, that's God. My sister, my husband, every person in my life who has helped me through the hardest time of my life, that's God speaking to me.

I decided to accept him into my heart. And I'm still going through all the hard stuff. I still have cancer. I still don't have my mom. Instead of how church was when I grew up just hearing everything they said, I started listening and putting it into practice. You have to put effort and you have to seek Him. And you have to look at your life and realize what small miracles or big miracles that He's already done. Even without you believing or even thinking He's real, He's had you. And it doesn't mean that you haven't gone through hard times. He's still there for you. Before Jesus, I was lost and broken. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going or what I was really living for. And after Jesus, I'm peaceful. I don't have the worry that I used to have, and I'm found. I feel like God knows who I am and cares about me. And there's something so much bigger than me who's in control of it all.

Do you have a story like that?