For Sharnae and Alan, premarital mentoring seemed like an unnecessary step. They had been together four years, were both in previous marriages, and were bringing older children into their relationship in a healthy way and growing in trust. Being first responders, they both have learned so much through their jobs - of active listening, values, and so forth that they more or less had been applying to their relationship. So, what good was marriage mentoring other than another box to check off before the big day?

Premarital mentoring was different than what they had expected as they approached it open-handedly. The overall experience proved deeply encouraging and practically foundational for their relationship with one another, others, and God.

"Our overall goal was to have our marriage grounded in Christianity - our focus was how to do that and put God at the forefront of it," reflects Alan. For Sharnae, marriage mentoring was an eye-opening experience, "that time was our time to focus on just us." Each week's topic helped both prompt new conversations they hadn't considered having before and affirmed the healthy steps the couple was already taking in building a relationship with Jesus at the center.

Mark and Denise are marriage mentors at Canyon Ridge and have been so for the last 13 years. However, their story begins when they got married after three months of knowing each other. Having both come from divorced families, Mark and Denise knew they wanted to tend to their marriage in a different way. Denise remembers, "We were really blessed to have a lot of older couples who mentored us along the way, although we didn't know that's what they were doing at the time, and so, because of that, we were so thankful that we wanted to give back and help couples the way those couples had helped us."

With their heart to nurture couples, Mark and Denise mentored Sharnae and Alan, handing to the couple what had been handed to them. Here are a few things they found helpful along the way:

Cultivate Community: Community is the way God uniquely and wonderfully designed people to live - together, not alone! And the power of a healthy, growing community is evident when people are taking their next steps in life, like when relationships are forming. Early on in their relationship, Sharnae and Alan both had a close friend call out the good that was emerging. Now, all are part of one community group, walking together.
Share Meals Together: As first responders who work swing shifts and a blended family, Alan shares how "especially if you have kids, and even if you don't, have as many meals together as you can." Sharing meals together is a dedicated habit they hold onto. Investing in quality time has only strengthened their relationships.
Connect Daily: This is a practice marriage mentors Mark and Denise encourage all couples in all walks of life to cultivate. Often, couples can end up going quite a long time before connecting intentionally for weekly date nights or yearly anniversaries. This is an encouragement to set aside routine times, like five-minute "couch time" to cooking a meal together or praying for one another in the morning! These daily rhythms help keep couples walking together, rather than slowly drifting apart.

Denise says that marriage mentoring is about "being available to help people as they're walking through their marriage...it's a new way of living." She and Mark together have built lasting friendships as a safe place for couples to take their next step together. She adds, "whenever Mark and I [facilitate a premarital session], God always bubbles up something for us and strengthens our marriage in that way." There is beauty in cultivating a relationship with a learner's posture: to continually learn your partner, to learn who God is together, to learn the beauty of living in community.

So, is premarital counseling worth it? Sharnae and Alan say yes. From the connections that deepen to the goodness that is fostered together, mentoring is the tangible act of partnership, the strength of community putting down roots together, and endless support!

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