Shifting Codependency To Complete Dependence on God
Janice is a recovering codependent, which “is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive” according to Mental Health America.
For most of Janice’s adult life, she was consumed with a fear of failure, a chaotic pace, and unhealthy relational dynamics. She maintained a false impression that she was in control of everything in her life. “It was completely draining to live a lie every day.”
Healing and recovery is not a linear journey, but it is a journey best taken with God and his people. The practice of journaling throughout her recovery equipped Janice to now be able to look back on specific days and events, identifying patterns of behaviors, specific prayers she prayed, and how God has been with her all along. The following three questions have helped her process, heal, and reflect on God’s faithfulness:
Shifting Codependency To Complete Dependence on God
Janice’s Story
“Who is your God?” Church was always a part of Janice’s life, but a real relationship with God was not. Asking this question required an honest look at herself and what her life choices revealed. “My kids were my idol, and I didn’t realize that until only in times of peril that I would reach out to God.” Oftentimes, there are other people, experiences, and things that take God’s place in our lives. She overworked to provide for her kids monetarily, but was unavailable emotionally and relationally. As she began to recognize her codependent behavior and the wreckage it had caused in her life and relationships, she realized God’s alternative invitation to trust him completely as the Lord of her life.
“Do you want to get well?” This is a question Jesus asked hurting people in need of healing. Though it sounds rhetorical, it wasn’t. Jesus knew people often became too familiar in their pain. Before Janice began her recovery journey, her parents got divorced, her mother passed away two years after being diagnosed with bone cancer, she married and divorced her first husband who was actively using drugs, married and divorced her second husband who was a controlling narcissist, became estranged from her adult children, and lost her father from lung cancer and dementia. Janice began to believe that she would never have a healthy relationship with anyone, feeling lost and depressed, and worse, feeling that she deserved such pain. So, when her now husband showed up with hope and help said, “Honey, I think you need to get some help,” Janice finally responded, “Okay.” As much as it was important for a trusted person to point to hope and help, it took Janice to choose to get well.
“Where do you even start?” The first step is often just your next best step. While daunting, on July 8, 2021, Janice began her spiritual journey through the 12 steps of recovering from codependency with a counselor. “I was determined and excited to get emotionally and physically healthy for once in my life.” For her, this looked like showing up to CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) meetings where she no longer felt alone in her struggle. This new community gave her hope and encouragement to keep going. “I have learned to accept my past, but not live in the past,” which has enabled her to mend her relationships with her family, become a sponsor to other individuals who struggle with codependency, and realize that God has been with her every step of the way. So, start with a community to discover your best next step, to have sustainable support and accountability, and to experience healthy relationships!
Journaling through her recovery has helped Janice transform her breakdowns to breakthroughs, realizing that “I can’t do this without God, but God won’t do this without me.” If you have a story like Janice’s, find your best next step at Celebrate Recovery in your pursuit of living freely in community.